In the early 1980s, the British writer Christina Hardyment began reviewing more than 650 parenting books and manuals, dating all the way to the mid-1700s when advice publications started appearing in hospitals. So if science isn't the secret sauce to parenting books, what is? To answer that, we have to go back in time. But last year, the medical community made a complete about-face on the advice and now says "Let them eat peanut butter!" Early peanut exposure actually prevents allergies, follow-up studies have found. Back in 2000, the American Academy of Pediatrics advised parents not to give babies peanut butter because one study suggested early exposure would increase the risk of developing an allergy. This is exactly what happened last year with peanuts. The babies who made progress also did not retain the ability to put themselves to sleep and stay asleep over the long term.Īs psychologist Ben Bradley argues in his book Vision of Infancy, a Critical Introduction to Psychology: "Scientific observations about babies are more like mirrors which reflect back the preoccupations and visions of those who study them than like windows opening directly on the foundations of the mind."Īnd sometimes the data supporting the recommendation are so flimsy that another study in a few years will come along and not only overturn the first study but completely flip the advice 180 degrees. And the parents were supported by a hefty amount of personalized counseling on their babies' sleep and eating habits. The method claims that if babies are left to cry themselves to sleep, eventually they will learn to fall asleep on their own without crying, and sleep through the night.īut what the study actually tests is a gentler regime, in which babies were left to cry for only a short amount of time before being comforted. Take for instance a study often cited as evidence that the "cry it out" method of sleep training is effective. Sometimes the studies don't even test what the parenting expert is purporting they do. But a deep look at some studies reveals that the science is more like smoke and mirrors. The result is a mom stuck in an apartment or a single-family home - which are both essentially boxes - raising children, alone.įor starters, parenting advice can give the impression that the recommendations are based on science.
There's a lingering belief that the ideal family structure for kids is a stay-at-home mom who devotes her full attention to the kids.
Throughout her childhood, she was training to be a mom. "Little by little they will learn."īurgos learned how to be a mom by watching - and helping - her own mom, her aunts and her neighbors raise many children. "I know that raising kids is slow," she says. In general, she shows no sense of chronic worry or stress. "I was worried about his future." But once she guided him back on track, the worry went away. "There are times that I worry about my children, like when my son was 12 and only wanted to be with his friends and not study," Burgos says. "Stressful? What do you mean by stressful?" she responds through a Mayan interpreter.Ī five-minute conversation ensues between Burgos and the interpreter, trying to convey the idea of "stressful." There doesn't seem to be a straight-up Mayan term, at least not pertaining to motherhood.īut finally, after much debate, the translator seems to have found a way to explain what I mean, and Burgos answers. So I ask her: "Do you think that being a mom is stressful?"īurgos looks at me as if I'm from Mars. In general, Burgos makes the whole parenting thing look - dare, I say it - easy. There's little whining, little crying and basically no yelling or bickering. In return, the children offer minimal resistance to their mother's advice. She often tosses off little warnings about safety: "Watch out for the fire" or "Don't play around the construction area." But her tone is calm. The older kids aren't in school because it's spring break.īurgos is constantly on parental duty. The middle daughter, 9-year-old Gelmy, is running around with neighborhood kids - climbing trees, chasing chickens - and her oldest daughter, 12-year-old Angela, has just woken up and started doing the dishes, without being asked.
Her youngest daughter, 4-year-old Alexa, sits on her knee, clearly trying to get her attention by hitting a teddy bear on her mom's leg. Sitting on a rainbow-colored hammock inside her home, Burgos, 41, is cool as a cucumber. Sign up for NPR Health's newsletter to get the stories delivered to your inbox. Does raising kids have to be stressful? Is it really dangerous for babies to sleep with mom? Do chores have to be a fight? Over the next month, NPR travels around the world for ideas to make parenting easier.
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